All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
