She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
