I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
