Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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