She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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