Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
