New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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