If i come over, it means nothing
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
