Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
