Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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