i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
