I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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