Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
