My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize