How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
