That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
