she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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