i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
