Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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