I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
