I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
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she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
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No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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