Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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