did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
