Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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