we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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