she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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