I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
These tits shall not be calmed
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
