then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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