there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
