I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
