I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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