i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
What a dumb baby whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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