I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
