Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize