Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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