I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
