This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
