I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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