I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
