Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
send nudes
from the living room?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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