I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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