I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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