I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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