Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
no you cant smoke seaweed
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Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
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Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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