was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
