Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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