Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
