it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
