so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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