Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
