my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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