his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
