Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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