We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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