eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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