youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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