is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
