i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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