I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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