i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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