Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
