yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
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You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
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He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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