I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
