The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
