I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
