You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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