My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
