the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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