So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You're like the curious george of whores
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
