I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Come on in and take your pants off
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