I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
