Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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