I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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