we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
