I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
