I think I just saw someone hide a body.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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