The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
