Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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